I need to take my own advice here

To My Girls: Don’t Let Them Make You Jaded

Inspired by “Jaded” by Ella Langley

To my girls,

I heard “Jaded” by Ella Langley, and it made me think about something I want every woman and young woman in my life to understand:

Protect your heart—but don’t let the wrong people harden it.

There is a difference between becoming wise and becoming jaded.

Wisdom says, I learned from that.

Being jaded says, Because that happened, I don’t believe in anything anymore.

And girls, life is probably going to give you reasons to become jaded.

Someone may lie to you.

Someone you trusted may disappoint you.

You may love somebody who doesn’t know how to love you properly. You may give someone loyalty they don’t return. You may believe someone’s words only to discover that their actions tell an entirely different story.

Sometimes the people you thought would protect you will be the people you have to protect yourself from.

Learn from it. But don’t become it.

Don’t allow someone else’s dishonesty to turn you dishonest.

Don’t let somebody’s cruelty teach you cruelty.

Don’t let betrayal convince you that loyalty doesn’t exist.

Don’t let a broken relationship convince you that love isn’t real.

And please don’t confuse having a good heart with having no boundaries.

You can be loving and still say no.

You can forgive someone and still decide they no longer belong in your life.

You can understand why somebody behaved the way they did without accepting their behavior.

You can wish someone well from very, very far away.

That isn’t bitterness.

That’s discernment.

As you get older, pay attention to patterns instead of promises. Anybody can tell you what you want to hear. Character is what someone repeatedly does when there isn’t anything in it for them.

Watch how people treat people who cannot benefit them.

Watch whether their actions match their words.

Watch how they handle being told no.

Watch whether they take responsibility when they’re wrong.

And most importantly, watch how you feel about yourself when you’re around them.

You should never have to continuously shrink yourself, question your worth, abandon your values or beg someone to recognize what you bring into their life.

Don’t Chase Closure Forever

Sometimes you aren’t going to get the apology.

You aren’t going to get the explanation.

You aren’t going to understand why someone did what they did.

There comes a point when continuing to search for an answer only keeps you attached to the thing that hurt you.

Your closure can simply be:

I didn’t deserve that, I learned from it, and I’m moving forward.

Take the lesson and leave the damage behind.

Keep Your Softness—Just Add Wisdom

This may be the biggest thing I want my girls to remember.

I don’t want life to make you cold.

I want it to make you smart.

I want you to love deeply, laugh loudly, care about people, believe in possibilities and remain excited about your future.

But I also want you to know your worth.

Have standards.

Have boundaries.

Ask questions.

Trust your intuition, but verify what you can.

Know when something doesn’t feel right.

Know when to walk away.

And know that walking away doesn’t always mean you stopped loving somebody. Sometimes it means you finally started loving yourself enough to stop participating in something that was hurting you.

Never Become What Hurt You

There will always be another choice.

You can experience betrayal and still choose loyalty.

You can experience disrespect and still choose integrity.

You can experience heartbreak and still believe healthy love exists.

You can discover ugly things about the world without losing your ability to see what’s beautiful in it.

That’s strength.

So, my girls, if life ever gives you a reason to become jaded, remember this:

You don’t have to become hard to become strong.

Become wiser.

Become more observant.

Become harder to fool.

Become comfortable saying no.

Become selective about who gets access to your heart, your time and your energy.

But keep the part of you that still believes something beautiful can happen tomorrow.

Nobody who hurt you deserves the power to take that away from you.

Keep your heart. Keep your standards. Keep your softness. Keep your wisdom.

And no matter what happens—

don’t let this world make you jaded.

With love,
Kayla ❤️